I'd like to think that I have all the willpower in the world to do, and not do, whatever I need. I can take one look at myself in the mirror and I know that is absolute bullshit.
I'm ignoring my urges to immerse myself in any kind of romance. I don't have a problem with actually immersing myself in such a situation because I don't usually succeed in fulfilling said urge.
When I was 12 years old I developed a crush on my good friend, Nicole Thomas. She was a bright tomboyish girl who was beautiful and funny and I thought we got along very well. Eventually she caught wind of this. Most of my friends weren't really up to the task of admitting they liked the girls they liked back then, so this was odd. Needless to say she wasn't interested in this. She told my sad little young self that she usually stopped being friends with boys when they developed crushes on her. Harsh, I know.
That started a long history of rejection and not even bothering to try. And now: I continue.
Playlist: Matt and Kim, Jesus Fuck the Sun(yeah, I've been listening to the new shit alot), Algernon Cadwallader
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I'm hoping that eventually I will find something worth making into something bigger.
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