No New Zealand is not Good New Zealand

I am in Santa Fe, NM. It is as unhappening as I remember it. It is hard to start something new, fresh, and exciting, and then have to leave it all behind. I'm not even sure how far this will go, but I kind of hope it goes far. Sure, I have my doubts, but after what I've been through these last few years, doubt isn't just renting out part of my brain, it is paying a fucking mortgage.

I did not think it would be so hard to sleep by myself, on a couch in a living room in a house full of strangers. As it turns out, it really really is. And the last few days all I can tell myself is that I'm doing the wrong things, and that I am going about things the wrong way. I'll always be behind. I'm full of a terrible loneliness and isolation here. I feel so very far away from everything I love and care about, and it is eating me alive.

I just want to do well.


Playlist: Jay Reatard, Beat Happening, the Halo Benders, Beirut