United by one theme.

I was fifteen years old when I lost my virginity. I think I should have waited. The girl I was with at the time seemed pretty awesome. She liked punk rock like me, she didn't care about the things normal people did, she had a healthy distrust of the world around her, it was all I could ask for in a girl. But eventually she grew to be kind of repugnant. It probably didn't help that I didn't think I could do any better, and for some strange reason once I hit the age of 12 I was convinced that I was never going to get laid. Why did I care about getting laid at the age of 12? That weird and irrational fear, however, has never gone away. It has been about 8 months. My dry spells tend to last about 8 months, but I'm not counting on anything to change come March.

When I was 18 I made out with my ex girlfriends best friend. I had felt this was some kind of a victory at the time. My ex had cheated on me, with some random guy, and with one of my best friends whom I had a falling out with. After that point I never talked to him again. On the subject of the ex's best friend: at one point in the evening she asked me to have sex with her, and thereby had asked me to take her virginity. I was shocked, I was touched, mostly I was aroused. However something in my brain told me this was trouble. This girl fancied herself a lesbian(what she was doing making out with me I have no idea). As far as I could tell, the logic behind this was, lose it to some trustworthy friend and forget about doing it with guys after that. I didn't do it, though. I told her that I wasn't in love with her, and felt that because of this I wasn't right for the job. As far as I know she just ended up having sex with some other guy.

Sometimes I will think back to that moment. Slouching over her dresser fiddling with her CD player, I heard her ask, "Will you have sex with me?" My head dropped, and I just got kind of dizzy. I had never been asked that question outright before. I liked her just fine, but obviously I wasn't in a healthy emotional place. I'm going to stop going over it right now and admit that I should have just gone ahead and done it. I wish I had, and I should stop kidding myself. It wouldn't have mattered anywhere near as much as I thought it would or wanted it to.

Playlist: Glasvegas, Lifetime