Total Recall, Totally.

When I was in elementary school I was an intensely shy child. I was afraid of other children to a point that almost anyone could get away with bullying me. At one point it led to me peeing myself in my kindergarten gym class because I was afraid of asking the teacher to go use the bathroom. There I was sitting in a disgusting puddle of urine on the floor of the gymnasium, hoping that nobody would notice. They did notice, and I got to go home early, and I admitted to my mother that I was scared of the gym teacher lady. They made me talk to her about it, and the woman did not understand why I was so scared of her. She looked hurt, and told me I could always ask her for anything I needed. I do not understand why I was scared of her still.

When I was in the first grade I went to the restroom with a restroom pass, as was the standard procedure. Two older kids, I am not sure what grade they were in, came into the restroom being loud, and trying to act cool. Your regular everyday jerks. I was using the restroom stall, but I was pretty gun shy then, so I just kind of waited standing in the stall, hoping they would leave so I could pee. One of them kicked open the door to the stall, which had no lock on it. They both came in the stall and terrorized me. I did not pee myself, but I do remember crying. I did not fear for my physical safety, but they stole my hall pass out of my hand. I was convinced that I would be in a lot of trouble if I lost my hall pass, and also I was positive that I would never recognize these kids if I tried to rat them out because I could barely look them in the eye. They turned it into a sad game of monkey in the middle at one point, and then they left cackling down the hallway. I just sat there, relieved. They had taken the hall pass, but at least I got to pee(so much relief going on at this point).

I remember thinking if somebody caught me without my pass I would be damned to hell for all eternity, so I felt the genuine need to sneek back down the hall to class like a spy. When I got to the classroom my teacher, Mrs. Morris asked me where the hall pass was. I said I did not know and just kind of looked scared and sad, which I was. I do not recall ever telling any adults about this one though.

I had a similar experience in the sixth grade, but that is another entry.


Playlist: Paper Airplanes, Coffee, The Agent