When somebody breaks your heart and then attempts to ruin your life, it is commonplace to not allow them back into your life, correct? I was going to ask why I did this, but a different question is a tad bit more appropriate.
How did I get so lonely that I invited somebody who betrayed me so harshly back into my life?
I am not exactly hung up on these actions, they happened quite a few year ago. Also, I'd like to think that I am not the grudge carrying, shit talking jerk I was before. And I swear, I am not. I am confident that the main reason behind my forgiveness was pure curiosity. I just wanted to see what would happen. Also, if things had worked out better, I might've been able to take care of that loneliness thing too.
My friend Natalie touched on the subject of wanting something more than you knew you could possibly want in her most recent entry. I don't want to be lonely. I want non-loneliness, and I want it more than I ever knew I could want it. It is getting scary, and I am becoming that awful awful thing that scares girls away like a strong stench: desperate. I am feeling like the human embodiment of desperation and I know people can tell. It is pathetic and there is nothing more undesirable than a desperate jerk.
Playlist: Red Cross, Piebald, NPR, working
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